Moo Moo Cau

NOM NOM NOM

2010-02-12T13:26:00.000-08:00

Since I've moved up to the bay, I've been trying to find all the latest events in San Francisco. When I first moved up I went to San Francisco's overly-packed-food-festival. Even though the lines were never ending, overall, the food was really good. Lesson learned: give someone in front of the line (preferable a passive Asian girl) an extra dollar or two and ask her to by food for you. I'm going back to LA this weekend for Chinese New Year and luckily LA is having their 1st annual Street Food Festival. Woot Woot! Hopefully I will get to go. Gong Hey Fat Choy errbody!

Loverbirds

2010-02-05T09:06:00.000-08:00

Even though I am horrible at updating this blog, I still decided to create another blog: DCchaos

The bf and I took a big leap in our relationship and decided that he should move up to the Bay with me. We're both daring and spontaneous, but our affinity for alcohol leaves our intoxicated adventures very un-memorable. We both decided it would be great to not only keep a blog where we can remember the moments we share together, but also document the progression of our relationship together.

On a side note, I am completely in love with The Temper Trap's CD Conditions.

Goodbye 2009

2010-01-14T07:34:00.000-08:00

I've been wanting to do a little recap of 2009 but I haven't gotten the chance until now to just sit down and reflect. 2009 was a 365 day emotional roller coaster. I think this is the year where I've had the most transformation as an individual. I started the year as a student completely dependent on my parents and now I am moved out, employed, and financially on my own. Started the year with an unhealthy relationship that was based on lies and ended the year with a brand new one (and one I am more happy about). The whole year was one to remember, but there were definitely several momentous events this past year.

UCDC

Oh DC, you were so good to me. I really don't think I could have gone at a better time. The weather was perfect, it was the start of a brand new administration, and it was a momentous year for my internship. The 10 weeks I was there was not smooth sailing. While in DC, I made some mistakes that forced me to evaluate who I was as a person. Overall, I think I came out a better person. Interning at the US-Asia Institute really fostered my interest for the APIA community and just being emerged in DC made me more political aware. I lost some great friends while I was at DC, but I also gained some new friends and experiences. Oh, and I also learned cherry blossoms only bloom for two weeks out of the whole year, and thank God I was there to witness the incredibly beauty. DC I hope we will meet again one day.

Graduation

"Your college tuition not only goes toward getting a degree, but you also pays for the experiences you gain" - Mommy

She said that to me before my freshman year, and damn was she right. I always joke around saying I flushed $25,372 down the college toilet and pooped out a BS degree (no, not Bachelor's of Science, the other BS). Everyday I think "what am I going to do with a degree in Sociology and International Studies", but I gained so much more in my four years at UC Irvine. Outside of the classroom I've learned some important lessons and skills: 1. how to drinking ungodly amounts, 2. traveling is the best textbook of life, and 3. the only way to live is to be proactive. On the other hand, I really wish I was much more active at UCI and contributed more to the school, but it does no good dwelling on that now. I'm so grateful for taking the opportunity to "study" abroad; hands down it was the best experience of my life. I'll be honest, I don't remember much of the material I've learned in the classrooms, but what I did learn is to make the best of every situation.

Employment

I started 2009 as a college student scared shitless about my future, and I end 2009 as an employed adult still scared shitless about my future. In this economy, I am completely grateful to have ~~found~~ gotten hooked up with a job. I've had a lot of work experience in the past, but this 7-5 job has definitely got me feel old. As my parents pile more financial responsibilities onto me, I am slowly feeling the burden of being an adult. The beginning of 2009 I thought finding a job would make me feel secure both financially and about my future; however, I feel far from secure. I realized after entering the workforce there is the constant battle between what I really want to do and what is available right now. I enjoy working at ReputationDefender and being part of a fast growing start up, but I definitely know this is not the career path I want to pursue. I am definitely excited for what 2010 has in store and where I will be at the end of this year.

Lovers and Friends

I've lived in three different places this year: DC, SoCal, and now NorCal. In the mist of all this moving and transitioning I've meet some amazing people and have also drifted away from many others. It's inevitable, people will come and go out of your lives. I finally ended a relationship that was barely holding on by a thread, but now I have a new amazing boyfriend who allows me to be myself and makes me feel like a princess. To both old and new friends: thank you for all the times we've spent together whether it be our late night talks or engaging with me in some drunken debauchery dancing. I look forward to what is in store for 2010 and I hope you guys will be there to share with me in these memories.

real time, real life...

2009-12-08T14:17:00.000-08:00

Google just launched their real time search yesterday. It's not really a huge deal because facebook status updates, tweets, smart phones, and, well, the internet, allow us to easily get in touch with the latest news. Unless you were living under a rock without internet connection, I am sure you heard about Michael Jackson's death within the hour it happened. Working for an internet privacy company who is always on top of the latest tech gadgets and social media happenings makes me feel like the world is moving way too quickly. I'm surrounded by people who are so plugged in with what is going on in the whole internet world, I am constantly finding myself feeling left in the dark.

Talking about life moving to quickly, I recently found a new interest (I might even go out on a limb and call him my new love interest). Yes, I did just drop the L-bomb. People call us crazy since it has only been 2 months but crazy is definitely what make us "us." People say we're moving to fast, but I've always been a strong believer of taking every opportunity and just milking it for its worth. For the last 9 years I've been in the dating world, I feel like this is the first time I'm not settling for anything less than what I actually want. The holiday season is just around the corner and I am so glad I have someone special to share it with this year.

There Will Be Fireworks - In Excelsis Deo

this song is currently on my rainy day-cold weather play list. love it.

Give thanks and love.

2009-11-25T13:48:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving is by far my favorite holiday of the year. It's been really slow at work this week and the fact that I'm going back home this weekend isn't making it go any faster. I can't wait to go home and just nom nom nom on some good home cooking.

I am thankful for:

1. My family and their health. I have been blessed to have such supportive parents and luckily they still have amazing health. I feel like after I entered the working world, my parents have taken me a little more seriously and for once I can tell they are actually really proud of me.

2. My Friends. After moving to Norcal I realized how much harder it is to maintain friendships when everyone is doing their own thing whether it be working, studying, or just hanging around. I'm glad I've still been able to hold onto some friendships. I've only been here for 4 months, but man, it seems so much longer.

3. The Boy. I hardly ever write about the guy I'm dating, but I don't know, this guy is a keeper. We haven't even been dating for 2 months yet, but he makes me incredibly happy and make me do ridiculous-crazy things I would never do for anyone else. Hopefully this will be the Prince Charming Cinderella has been wishing for. :)

Be thankful. feel more. love more. and ofcourse.. eat more! Enjoy the festivities everyone!

Oh, how I miss you college

2009-11-19T19:35:00.000-08:00

I moved into my new apartment couple days ago and internet hasn't been installed yet. I feel so disconnected from everyone/everything. No internet, no TV. What do you do without internet? You start decorating your room. I decided to do a large photo collage over my bed. In order to do that I looked through 38 GB of photos, over 5 years of photos. Man, I am so glad my friends and I are such big picture whores because these photos really brought back so many memories. I have been so blessed to have amazing friends who have been there with me to build amazing memories. Looking through album after album, I realized how much I miss college life. For a moment there I felt like I was back in Irvine living with Sarah and Christine doing ridiculous things (drinking and biking?!).

My parents have let me do some incredible things from "studying" abroad in Singapore to interning in Washington DC. I've always known I've met some amazing people along this journey called "life", but looking at these pictures really affirmed that. People always say "this is a new era in your life." But honestly, looking at these pictures, each day is a new era in your life where you are given opportunities to making life changing decisions. I really can't wait to finish this collage over my bed. Every morning when I wake up at 7 in the morning and I think that life is horrible, I can look above my head and think "naw, my life is far from horrible."

Life moves fast...

2009-10-18T15:59:00.000-07:00

keep up with it.

Enough with it

2009-09-15T22:57:00.000-07:00

The MTV VMAs was held two days ago at NYC and it is still easily the most controversial topic and most talked about event for the last two day. I am a huge fan of Kanye West, but I think him interrupting Taylor Swift's acceptance speech was very rude. Who cares if Taylor's music sucks (cause it does), and who cares how drunk Kanye was; what he did was very indefensible. It's been 48 hours and I thought the whole event would die down, but it hasn't. Now they are dragging Obama into the picture? Ridiculous.

I know the fact that me writing a blog about this so-called "controversial event" doesn't go well with ignoring the incident, but I did want to put in my two cents about this event's inspired reflections on society as a whole.

This whole situation definitely brought a split between West' devoted fans and everyone else. There was some brutal bashing and taunting on facebook, blogs, and twitter. I think it really boils down to people taking pleasure in a situation and rubbing it into someone's face. This whole incident made me realize how much we like to stir up controversy, even when it does not remotely include us. It shows how we, as spectators, react when a big celebrity undergoes bad publicity. MTV could have easily minimized this whole situation, but of course, why would they, they are the ones getting all the attention. Working for an online reputation company I can see how fast negative information can proliferate on the web. We live in a celebrity obsessed society where we 1.) love to see celebrities crash and burn and then latch on to the ones who appear in the spotlight, and 2.) care this much about some stupid award ceremony.

Kanye's incident really overshadowed some of the more important and positive features of the night. I only watched a couple videos of the VMAs online, but they did an excellent job with the Michael Jackson tribute. Jay-Z and Alicia Keys also put together an amazing performance. We live in a very celebrity-absorbed society, and that really saddens me. We really need to put our energy and anger in some more important world issues. Don't be angry that Kanye's dissed Taylor Swift, or even when someone cuts you off in the freeway. Let's be more complete people and use that anger and tailor it toward a more substantial issue.

Jay-Z ft. Alicia Keys - Empire State of Mind. I love this.

Going back to the Sandbox Days

2009-09-03T19:23:00.000-07:00

Where the Wild Things Are and The Giving Tree have always been up there on my favorite-childhood-books-list. I am so stoked for this movie to come out. I don't know if many of you have read the book, but there is nothing much to it. There's only about 10 pages, and only about half the book has words in it. A good chunk of the book just has illustrations of Max playing with the Wild Things, which leaves so much room for a child's imagination to build upon the story. I'm really excited to see how Spike Jonze transforms this simple book into a mystical movie. All is Love is a single from the movie soundtrack. The playfulness and energy of the song really makes me wish I can just be a kid again and curl up in bed with all my Shel Silverstein.

Karen O. and the Kids - All Is Love

Californication

2009-08-31T14:47:00.000-07:00

"Just the fact that people seem to be getting dumber and dumber. You know, I mean we have all this amazing technology and yet computers have turned into basically four figure wank machines. The internet was supposed to set us free, democratize us, but all it’s really given us is Howard Dean’s aborted candidacy and 24 hour a day access to kiddie porn. People… they don’t write anymore, they blog. Instead of talking, they text, no punctuation, no grammar: LOL this and LMFAO that. You know, it just seems to me it’s just a bunch of stupid people pseudo-communicating with a bunch of other stupid people at a proto-language that resembles more what cavemen used to speak than the King’s English."

- Hank Moody, Californication

My roommate tends to hog up the television so I have turned to Netflix to get my TV fix. I've heard a couple things about Californication so I decided to give it a try. So far, I am pretty hooked. David Duchovny does a really good job portraying a bitter and self-loathing writer who drowns his sorrows in alcohol and pussy. In the mist of his angry sex, anonymous sex, and just plain ol' raunchy sex, we see him slowly losing his long-time love and precious little 12 year old. All the sex really overshadows the heart of the show: the different layers of Hank. He is the epitome of a man whore, however, in one scene he is kind to a naked woman who asks him about her faults, but in another scene he is brutal and dismantles his blind date. There are moments where we say he is a complete jackass, but other times we sympathize with him. I really like this show in which each episodes builds upon the main character. There are no throwaway episodes. I am probably over analyzing this show because I know I'm not some Hollywood guru or an accurate movie critic, but Hank's miserable life and failing relationships really attracts me. I mean, if you aren't into dark humor, there is an abundance of nice tits.

"let's talk about your TPS report"

2009-08-20T23:10:00.000-07:00

~~Happy~~ Unhappy 1 month!

As of today, I've been part of the corporate world for exactly a month. It's only been a month but I've learned so much about customer support, sales, and basically what it means to sit in a cubical for 9-10 hours. I'll tell you one thing, no matter how healthy you eat, the working life gets you fat. They call it freshmen 15, I call this employment 20.

I am definitely grateful to be employed. I know there are many people out there struggling to find a job (and keep one) in this economy, and I am glad I landed the job I have. But I realized, corporate America is not for me. Sure, it can pay well, but money and profit don't really drive me. Everything in the business world is a huge race to see who can obtain the most customers, launch the best marketing campaign, and who can knock down its competitors. When we only think about making profit, we forget the customer's needs and they begin to lose their trust. It's all a huge scam. Who knows, I can totally be off. I was a Sociology major, not a business major.

I've worked in several nonprofits and I'm really hoping after I find a rich husband who can support me and my two kids, I can ditch the corporate world and start my own nonprofit doing something for the APIA community. I love my job, coworkers, and the atmosphere, but I hope this will be something temporary. You watch movies such as Office Space where people are miserable at work. God damn, I can totally understand how that feels. I know my job could be a lot worse, but I feel like I'm getting so un-fun. I need to make sure I don't get stuck in the funk.

This is tragic. Cause we had it, we was magic

2009-08-02T20:51:00.000-07:00

***DISCLAIMER: MIGHT CONTAIN SOME SPOILERS FOR (500) DAYS OF SUMMER***

It takes balls to make a movie about rejection, failed relationships, and well.. reality. I went to watch (500) Days of Summer last night and I walked out of that theater feeling sadness, anger, and hope all in the same moment. After the opening credits, there is a disclaimer that this movie is purely fiction and that someone named Jenny Beckman is a bitch. Purely coincidentally, the whole time I was watching the movie, I felt like I was watching a movie about my ~~complicated~~ love life (and maybe Cindy Au is the bitch). The movie was straight forward: boy falls in love with girl, boy looses girl. As much as this is suppose to be a indie "romantic comedy", goddamn, it was a breath of realism.

"I don't want to get over her, I want to get her back"

The feelings of love propels us to do crazy things, say crazy things. Hollywood, greeting cards, sappy songs all make us believe that we are suppose to be destined to have our soul mate out there. This vision of a "perfect love story" blurs us from seeing the obvious. Sometimes the obvious is that it won't work no matter how hard we try. We are gripping on to the good times we've had, but only remembering the good times in our relationship can not hold us together. Things happen, people come and go. Life happens. I wish I could have my fairy tale story, but before I can meet Mr. Prince Charming, I need to start acting like a princess. You are my knight and shinning armor, you've treated me like a princess giving me anything a girl could ever want and I thank you for that. But I acted nothing like a princess. As much as I would like for our love story to have a happy ending, life isn't like that. (500) Days of Summer is a story that believes in love, but it shows that relationships are far from magic, they are messy and complicated.

Day (530) thank you for the endless love you extended out to me. Your patience and respect. Thank you for teaching me to feel more. to be more.

I-9, W-4, W-2... uhh.. what??

2009-07-22T19:40:00.000-07:00

It's a 100 degree outside and it feels like the skin is sizzling from the sun's rays. You can't wait to go home and just jump in your pool. Just thinking about the cold water drenching every inch of your body excites you. You sprint toward the pool while trying to ripping off every piece of clothing. Without thinking you jump into the pool headfirst. Instantly your whole body tenses up and you just want to scream cause the water is unbearably cold. It feels like you've just been body slammed by a gigantic iceberg. Every little hair on your body stands up. You get out of the water frantically looking for your towel. You keep thinking to yourself, "Why didn't I first dip my toes in."

That is exactly how I felt today. I was driving to work this morning listening to the radio and the DJs kept throwing out city names I've never heard of: Palo Alto, Mountain View, Sunnyvale. At that very moment it hit me like a big slap in the face: I'm not in SoCal anymore. Just like jumping into the pool, I was so excited to start working and relocating to a totally different city. But once I got here I realized I don't really have everything together yet. I love my job and my coworkers, but my living situation is a mess. I feel like I did a huge cannonball into the pool without testing the water first. I've really enjoyed my time here so far, but it really hit me today that I'm far, far away from my friends and family. I'm really excited for the next couple months but right now I feel like everything is moving so fast.

burning in the heat

2009-07-14T10:24:00.000-07:00

I basically only have one week of summer to soak in. I stopped working part-time in Irvine on Thursday and I'm moving up to Norcal this Thursday. So you ask what have I been doing in my only week of summer vacation? Partying like a rock star. Ofcourse, a responsible one.

I realized I don't usually see all my friends until I move away somewhere (i.e. Singapore or DC). In the last couple of weeks I've hung out with some people I haven't seen in a while, and it's been really good enjoying their company. I am also very sad to leave my close friends, but then again I'm not THAT far away. I really need to start packing soon though.

On a side note, I am really excited to move away from the Socal heat. My Asian mother has been trying to save on our electricity bill so she hasn't turned on the AC (or if she does she turn it on for a couple minutes). Last night I slept with no covers, sprawled out, with the fan directly in my face. It was NOT fun.

I will post something important soon.

Another Chapter

2009-07-06T01:11:00.000-07:00

Man, it's really been way too long since I've blogged. I definitely have been having too much fun and not enough reflecting.

Good news everyone, I finally found a job! Bad news, I'm moving to Nor Cal in less than 2 weeks.

Basically my friend Jeff hooked me up with this job at RepudationDefender. It's basically an Internet privacy company and I will be working as a Customer Support team. wOoT woOt!!

Last week, Peter and Kim were kind enough to accompany me on my drive up to have an interview. On that 6 hour drive we were reminiscing about all the trips we took. In the past 4 years, I have taken way too many road trips to Berkeley, and each of these trips have its own stories. There were stories about people yakking volcano style on Kim's bed (yes, the barf reached the ceiling), to Peter yakking straight across a party bus. We also talked about my first trip to Berkeley where we jammed 8 girls in Kim's 12x12 dorm room and then got locked out the next morning. Oh, and of course I can't forget all those Tahoe trips. Norcal has always been a place where I can have a short weekend getaway and just hang out and have fun. But in about 2 weeks, this getaway spot will soon become my new home.

People have been saying to me "I can't believe you are just dropping everything and moving!! Good for you!" Maybe it hasn't hit me yet, but so far I am more excited than scared. I know I should be nervous/scared, but I'm not. I've studied abroad twice, and to me it feels like I'm just studying abroad again. But I have to keep reminding myself, I'm not going to be surrounded by other UC students and I'm not going up for just a semester. This is going to be my life, my new home.

I am struck with wanderlust and I am ready for something new. I'll keep you posted on how things are once I move up. Bay area, here I come!

Summer 2006 at Giant's stadium in SF

Another level of Insane

2009-06-22T01:06:00.000-07:00

When you get angry, just stick a remote in your ass. (at 1:11)

Family

2009-06-16T23:01:00.000-07:00

I am ashamed to admit this, but my secret guilty pleasure used to be Jon & Kate Plue 8. I TiVo every episode and "aww" and "ooo" at all the adorable moments. The kids stole my heart. I really don't know why I thought the show was so addicting, maybe because the kid's were just too adorable to turn my eyes away from, or maybe I couldn't help put laugh at Kate's OCD, or maybe because the show once represented a family that was held together by a indescribable bond. I try not to look at the tabloids covers because this once "perfect" family is now in shambles and it tears my heart. For 4 seasons we've watched this family grow closer together through their struggles, trips, and daily family activities. They were loved not because they were perfect, if anything they were far from perfect, but families across America were able to identify with them because they went through any struggles a normal family would go through (maybe their situations were a little exaggerated but nevertheless they still experience the basic family problems) I don't know how I feel about this whole "Jon & Kate" controversy, but it really saddens to see this Christian family splitting up because money and media attention were more important then maintaining a healthy relationship. There were so many things that went wrong with the family. The show illustrates that finance and family do not mix.

I guess all these tabloids reiterate the fact that most American families do not survive marriage and every day I am glad I come from a family that is founded on good morals and values. I am glad my parents have been able to send me and my sister to college and fund my travels without having any financial burdens. I am glad I can come back home after college, broke and unemployed and my parents will still support me and embrace me with loving arms. I know I've been writing about my family a lot recently, but moving back home has really made me appreciate everything my family has done for me. Thanks mommy and daddy

Status: Unemployed

2009-06-13T17:46:00.000-07:00

So I graduated College yesterday! I don't know if I should give a big "whoopie!" because I haven't found a reason to be happy that college is over. I've met some of my closest friends here and hopefully will become lifelong friends. These are the friends who've seen me at my most vulnerable state and know exactly what to say at those moments. I've had the opportunity to "study" abroad for half a year in Singapore and then intern in Washington DC. College was where I've learned Alcohol can be your best friend one night, but it can also be your arch-enemy the next morning. In college, drinking every Thursday, Friday, Saturday night is called partying, but after college, it's just called alcoholism.

On Friday, the day before my graduation, my mom asked me why I didn't seem as excited about graduating college compared to graduating high school. I remember senior year of high school, my friends and I spent a week make senior shirts, and another week decorating our caps. At that time I was so excited to graduate high school. Life after high school meant one word: independence. But now, I don't feel like I have anything to look forward to. Life after college is an 8-5 job, responsibilities, and did I mention 8-5 job? I do not think I should be celebrating graduation because honestly, I did not work hard these four years. Behind the cap and gown and pearly white smile, I am still filled with uncertainty.

California Love

2009-06-09T09:39:00.000-07:00

Man, while I was in DC I almost sold my heart to the east coast, but now that I think of.. what the heck was i thinking?! West Coast > East Coast. FoSho

I got back Saturday night and all I gotta say is Cali is where the heart is. Right when I stepped off the plane and felt the cool breeze blowing through my hair, first thing I thought was "yes.. gooooddbyee humidity." I seriously think there was swine flu on the plane because I got really sick (fever, coughing, sneezing.. all the flu symptoms), and I talked to the other UCDC students who were on the plane and they all got really sick too. Hopefully I don't die anytime soon. Once I get better, I'm going to go to In-N-Out and buy a Cheeseburger animal style with whole grilled onions and a side of animal style fries. Yes, that is the good life.

People ask me what my plans are after college and I usually tell them I intend on finding a job and moving home. Almost everyone I talk to is shock I want to move home. They ask me "why would you even want to move back home after college?" For one thing, I don't think it's worth wasting paycheck after paycheck on my rent when I can move home and save up for a house. Secondly, unlike many of my other friends, I don't feel constrained while I am at home. I get all the freedom I want and I get amazing home cooking. What's not to like about that? Every time my parents pick me up from the airport after I come back from "studying" abroad, seeing the happiness and joy in their eyes is indescribable. Every day I am so thankful I come from such a loving and understanding family that supports me in everything I do. I love California as much as I do because I know that's where my home and family are.

oh and another reason why I love LA...

Oh, only in LA

via Jet Set, Go!

I don't feel like packing

2009-06-05T19:40:00.001-07:00

I totally should be packing right now, but decided to blogging is the best way to procrastinate.

While I was here in DC, I've met more French people than I ever have in my whole life. Any time we go out to eat, a bar, or a house party, I feel like I'm in freaken France because people are ALWAYS talking in French. I have nothing against people talking in their native language. I think it's great if you are bilingual, trilingual or whatever. But seriously, if there are other Americans around the table, please speak English. It's the same with those Chinese/Korean/Japanese F.O.Ps (Fresh Off the Plane). Your parents send you to America to learn English, not hang out at Life Plaza, take Cue pictures and constantly talk in your native lanauge. Am I bitter that I can't speak Chinese well? Maybe a little. But seriously when I go home, I do not want to hear anymore French, if I do I might just have to slap you in the face with a freaken baguette.

Things I've leanred in Washington, DC...**

2009-06-03T13:44:00.000-07:00

1. You are always dripping wet...but it's only because it's always so damn hot outside or always raining.
2. How to walk 2 miles in heels
3. It is fashionably OK to wear sneakers and a pencil skirt (good, god no, I would never do that in California)
4. Happy Hour = the best 3 hours of the day
5. In DC there IS such thing as a free lunch. 2 words: Congressional briefings
6. How to jay walk in front of a cop without feeling hint of guilt
7. If you have a douche hawk, wear hot pink A&F polos with little khaki short, then you are from Georgetown
8. Washington, DC is the land of ugly men
9. If aren't 21 here, you might as well go live in a cave
10. the only channels people watch: CNN, MSNBC, CSPAN

**will be continually updated

The Fountain

2009-05-31T21:30:00.000-07:00

Throwing a penny into a fountain symbolizes hope. In the few seconds you close your eyes and toss your penny, in just those couple seconds, you are hoping and genuinely wishing that something magically will change once you open your eyes.

In just two weeks I won't be able to bubble in "student" anymore, but will be considered "unemployed." As my time as a college student quickly comes to an end, I've been throwing over a dozen pennies into this fountain of uncertainty. I will admit, I am deathly afraid of the future. The lack of security makes me want to throw up sometimes. Each penny I throw in represents my hope that everything will turn out fine in the future. It represents my hopes in finding a job where I will enjoying doing, but will also be able to pay the bills. My hopes that my relationships with my college friends will last a lifetime. My hopes that I will be able to be "that girl" I've been trying to become. My hopes that I will continue to make my parents proud even after college.

I've filled the fountain to the brim with pennies and I feel all I have left to do is open my eyes and just walk away because in the end, I can keep throwing these useless pennies, but I am not in control of what will ultimately happen. And that scares the shit out of me.

Jeremiah 29:11-14

Yahoo! Answers a.k.a. America's bible

2009-05-30T09:52:00.000-07:00

I was going to blog today, but I couldn't put my thoughts into words. So maybe later I will post something.

BUT I found this Puhrettty hilarious.

Chillin' with the Cage in NYC

2009-05-22T22:22:00.001-07:00

Breaking the Bamboo Ceiling

2009-05-21T21:45:00.000-07:00

This is going to be a very short post because I need to go and pack for New York. The Au family is in town visiting me for the weekend. I am way to excited to see them. Yes, I am Daddy's girl, Mommy's world. :)

People ask me all the time "why are you so interested and involved in Asian politics and culture? What about everyone else?" Some people have even called me "racist" because they think I'm disregarding all the other minorities. No, I am not disregarding all the other minorities. Everyone has their own struggles and obstacles to overcome, I am just more passionate about the Asian and Pacific Islander American (APIA) community because I feel like I can identify more with them.

This article shows you why I am so interested in what I am. Asian Americans are growing 41 percent faster than any other demographic group yet hold only 12.5 percent of U.S. management positions. We set the bar at some of the most prestigious Ivy leagues. Despite the fact that we make up more than one-third of the workforce in Silicon Valley, we are completely underrepresented in the top board and CEO positions. In class today we were discussing the supreme court and who could potentially take Souter's position. In the whole discussion I was thinking, along with another peer, "when will be see an Asian American in the supreme court?" Looking at the list of nominees, there were Whites, Blacks, and Hispanics, but no Asians. Common Obama, Asian Americans have "empathy" too.

Because we are thought to be the "model minority", society thinks of us as being better off then everyone else. We might be doing relatively well in comparison to our counterparts; however, I think our culture is a result of our success and failures. American culture tells you to be an individual and to try the best you can. Part of the Asian culture tells you to BE the best (or else your mama will whip you with a bamboo stick). But at the same time the Asian culture says "you don't have to raise your hand--just do a good job." When there are problems, you just swallow them because speaking up will bring too much attention and trouble. We are all constantly striving to be the leader, but only a very few reach the top. It's time to break down the bamboo ceiling.

"So, what are you planning to do after graduation?"

2009-05-19T20:36:00.001-07:00

The next person who asks me that, I'm going to say something completely crude like "Who knows, make a porno?" If I got a penny for every time someone asked me that question, I would be so rich, I could retire at age 22. No really. I went to a briefing today, and seriously every person at the table asked me "So, what are your plans after graduation." I just told them all "you know, just look for a job." Then they just smiled and said "Oh, good luck."

Translation: HA, HA, HA. SUCKAAAA.

that's what I felt like.

I went to a "networking" event yesterday. I can break down everything the panel said to us:
1. D.C. is an amazing place to live and work in.
2. BUT, In order for you to get a job in DC you need to be broke (i.e. unable to pay your student loans, credit card bills, and rent) for about 6, 7, 8 months.. shoot, you might even need to be broke for 1-2 years before you land a job in DC.
3. Screw monster.com or any other online job database, you can only get a job if you know someone with hiring capabilities.

During the whole event I was so stressed I thought I was going to throw up. Graduation is suppose to represent a time where you are free from school, all-nighters, and useless homework. But it's not. In 3 weeks I will be putting on my cap and gown of adulthood, receiving my $30,000 diploma and saying bye to college drinking nights, sleeping in till 2pm, and the good life. It seems like everyone around me has a plan. I just want to tell everyone DON'T RUSH ME. Next time someone asks me THAT question again, I will just tell them "oh, the possibilities are endless." Because they are.

I know I have been completely negative about graduating, but let's be positive, the possibilities ARE endless. We are the hip, new, graduates. We have the fresh and creative ideas. Look at how old Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak (Apple) and Larry Page and Sergey Brin (Google) were when they started making it rain. Sure we are young, jobless, and broke, but look on the bright side, at least we aren't married, have a family, and laid off. People say this is the worst time to graduate because of the economy. But hey, we should use that to our advantage. My parents give me crap every day for not having a job secure yet. I just tell them "mom, I am graduating at the worst time possible. The economy sucks. That's why I don't have a job yet." Then she feels a little sorry for me and backs off. Life ain't too bad for class of 09.

I kid myself. Here is a FML.

My Favorite Sunday Activity

2009-05-16T19:53:00.000-07:00

I've been a dedicated Postsecret reader for the last, I don't know how long. When my suite-mate Taylor told me they had a PostSecret gallery not too far from out UCDC center, I was uber excited. I always wish Frank Warren would do a presentation at UC Irvine, or somewhere in Orange County. ASUCI got Bill Nye the science guy to come and talk, why not Frank Warren?! The art exhibit was really small, but I always enjoy reading/looking at other people's secrets/artwork. I shared the PostSecret link with a friend the other day and he asked me why I enjoyed reading people's secrets so much.

Frank is publishing another book called Life, Death, & God, and reading all the secrets today made me feel a lot less alone. Each secret is unique in their own way, kind of like a person's fingerprint; however, all these confessions made me realize how we are all going through similar spiritual struggles. When I speak of spirituality, I don't only mean it in a religious sense, but many of these secrets exposed the inner struggles of faith and personal well-being. Many of the secrets today were a cry for help, a prayer desperately seeking forgiveness, or just longing to be found. I have to admit, it's been a while since I've been doing very well spiritually. I'm not saying I am looking for PostSecret to bring me back to God, but Frank Warren's project constantly reminds me that there are people out there going through the same struggles I have been keeping inside of me. In the last year or two I've been following his project, it has showed me an alternative way people speak or pray.

Washington, District of California

2009-05-12T19:40:00.000-07:00

Number of weeks I've been in DC: 7
Number of weeks I've actually loved DC: 1/7 week (today)
Number of weeks I have left to love DC: 3

Have you ever told yourself "I'm going to the gym today" and then you don't? Then you say, "Oh, I'll go tomorrow after I _______ (insert lame excuse)" and of course you still don't go. Then you keep making excuses ("I'm on my period", "I'm going to play beer pong tonight, there is no point in going now", "curvy is the new skinny"), and next thing you know, it's summer and then you realize you should've gone to the gym because hanging out on the beach in your bikini with a beer belly is NOT cool.

That's how I feel about my time here in District of ~~California~~ Columbia. I regret not making better use of my time here. I've been making excuses the last seven weeks. I mean, I've done my share of touristy things, but I really haven't taken full advantage of being in Washington, DC, the freaken capital of the United States. This is a prime opportunity for me to build my networking pool, develop my political consciousness, meet some Washingtonians, take advantage of all the free museums, and the list goes on. I need to get out of the UCDC center aka California comfort zone, and get out and explore.

There used to be two reason I didn't like DC:
1. the weather (it can be rainy and cold one day and 90 degrees with 100% humidity the next)
2. the arrogant people

I've been doing a lot of thinking the last couple days and I realized those are all pretty stupid reasons not to like DC. For reason 1, I have just been spoiled by California weather, nothing will ever get better than Cali weather. For reason 2, the people here aren't arrogant, they are passionate (well, there are a handful of Georgetown douches). I realized today that I really do like this little town. It is full of young adults who are passionate about something. They come here temporarily hoping to make change and bring awareness. The town never grows complacent. Since I hate feeling stupid and left out I am constantly researching and reading so I won't look stupid when someone asks me "how do you think the Sino-Russian relationship will unfold in terms of the geopolitical uncertainty we are in." (yes, I was asked this before)

As an International Studies major, I can definitely say I've learned more about international relations and public policy the last seven weeks thn I have my last four years at UCI. Sorry Mom, there goes your $35,106. I don't know if it was me, or the California education system, or the sucky classes at UCI, but it wasn't until I came to DC did I feel like I was learning. Never have I met some many White people who are better than me in Chinese and know more about Asian culture and policies.

As my career as a college undergraduate comes to an end soon, I've been looking for jobs everywhere and I am really considering coming back to DC to work. I kind of want to work on the Hill. Who knows what the future has in store for me.

Tin to Flesh

2009-05-11T20:10:00.000-07:00

I haven't blogged in a really long while, but after some recent events, I realized I needed to start blogging again. Not because I need to let the whole world what is going on in my daily life, but more as a self-reflection of my thoughts and actions. I realized I have been like the Tin Man (from the Wizard of Oz) for most of my life. I have lived most of my days without passion or emotion, just going through the motions robotically. I have to admit that many of my actions have been centered around selfish intentions, and as a result I have caused many people pain. I'm going to be starting a new chapter in my life really soon, and I vowed that I am going to start taking the people around me into consideration. It's time for me to take off this armor plate.